For my article this month, I wanted to share a bit about my college experience as well as give another IU Bloomington student with a disability a chance to share their experience. IU student Sarah Zheng shares the challenges of navigating college life with a physical disability and learning to accept her diagnosis and the way it impacts her life as well as how she came to this acceptance.
Sarah and I have a lot in common. Although I did not graduate from IU, I did earn a Batchelor’s degree from Brescia University, in 2010. Brescia is a small, Catholic liberal arts university located in Owensboro, Kentucky, which offers lots of supports for students with learning and physical disabilities including priority early registration for classes each semester, tutoring, career counseling, on-campus psychiatric support, early move in, and more. Additionally, I did earn credits toward my degree at IU for a year and a half while I was enrolled in an independent living and college support program for students with autism spectrum disorder and learning disabilities in downtown Bloomington.
Early in my teen years, I began to realize that I was different than other children. I understood that I was intelligent, and I was often described as “The kid who straddles both worlds.” I belonged not just in the world of kids with developmental disabilities, but I also needed too much day-to-day support to belong entirely in the world of kids without disabilities, either. I was the kid that many parents and even professionals could not quite figure out or understand: The kid who could answer 17 Jeopardy! questions correctly but at age 13 still was not tying shoelaces independently and couldn’t tell left from right.
The more aware I became of my life and the way I was different than other kids, the more I resisted and hated myself. I couldn’t stand the thought of doing so well academically but having to have Mommy zip my jacket in the morning before school or put my socks on. I was close to typical, at least that’s the way I appeared, but just not quite there. I fell into a deep self-loathing with significant depression. At 13, I was in clinical therapy, and it was not until my mid-twenties with continued clinical psychotherapy and very supportive parents that I finally learned to really love and be okay with who I was. Like Sarah, self-acceptance took a long time, and it can be one of the most difficult things for young people with disabilities to come to, but I too, am better and happier for having done it. Here is Sarah’s experience. We hope your teen or adult can one day learn to accept themselves and their challenges and embrace themselves for all that they are.
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Sarah's Story:
I gained my disability during high school. One day, I was living a "normal" life, able to do everything without limitations, and the next day, my life changed forever. For me, the hardest part was the adjustment period—having a sense of what "normal" used to look like and then learning how to navigate a different reality.
During that time, I hit one of the lowest points in my life. I often felt overwhelmed by the thought that my life would never be the same and that I’d never experience anything the way I used to. In the beginning, I struggled deeply to accept this change. I think I went through a stage of disbelief, constantly telling myself, “This isn’t happening; I’ll wake up, and it’ll all have been just a bad dream.” I felt numb and found myself rejecting the reality of my situation.
My disability mainly involves an energy deficiency that limits how far I can walk. Transitioning from high school to college was a significant challenge because college requires so much more walking. Fortunately, Indiana University provides great resources for students with disabilities. The DSS Van Service helps me get to my classes, and IU offers an AES Memo, which I was able to fill out so my professors could be aware of my situation. Overall, I think IU does an excellent job ensuring that students with disabilities are well-supported, which helped make that part of my college life feel more manageable.
However, during most of my freshman year, I struggled with self-consciousness and insecurity. I felt ashamed of anyone seeing me get out of the DSS van or noticing me struggle to walk. I worked hard to hide my disability because I was afraid of being seen as different. That self-destructive mindset only grew when I lost many friends because of my disability. Seeing other students freely living the life I wanted—without the limitations I faced—made me feel isolated and alone. Even though people knew I had a disability, it often felt like no one truly understood what I was going through. When I tried to talk to others about it, they would offer the same surface-level advice, which left me feeling hopeless and stuck in my isolation.
I knew this mindset wasn’t healthy, but I couldn’t stop comparing myself to others. Eventually, I decided to take a gap year to focus on my mental health, prioritize my self-worth, and step away from my peers. That year turned out to be one of the best decisions I ever made. It gave me the space to focus on loving myself for who I am, flaws and all. I realized that my disability is not something I can control, so I shifted my energy toward improving what I could control—my perspective and my self-growth.
One of my biggest struggles during freshman year was constantly comparing myself to others. Taking that gap year allowed me to break free from those comparisons, grow as a person, and return to school with a healthier mindset. I became stronger and more accepting of myself.
If I could give advice to anyone in a similar situation or to someone who feels like they’re not enough, it would be this: Everyone has insecurities or hardships, even if they don’t show it. What’s important is to focus on yourself and the progress you’re making. Progress is progress, no matter how small it may seem. No one expects you to change your mindset overnight—it’s okay to feel sad sometimes. Growth looks different for everyone, so be proud of yourself for taking the first steps. If someone laughs at you or makes you feel small, remember that says far more about them than it does about you. Everyone has hardships and obstacles they face in life; it’s just that I have a bigger obstacle I need to overcome.